The First Year Without My Mom
It has been one year since my Mom died after a sixteen year long battle with Ovarian Cancer. For me, those sixteen years were filled with anger, caretaking, confusion, and hope. I had an incredibly close and special relationship with my Mother, one that truly connected our souls forever. This year was filled with love and support from family and friends and I am eternally grateful for it.
Certain things help to make up a person; certain experiences help define your entire being. My Mom’s battle with cancer is, without a doubt, built into my make up and has sculpted me into the man I am today. I learned in Theology class at Benedictine High School the question we must ask ourselves is -who am I? I am the Son of Jill Ann Cancelliere. I am a caring, thoughtful, and well-humored person with a hell of a lot of fight and resolve, just like her. Like everyone else, I am far from perfect. I have made countless mistakes in my life, but I do try and always be the man I was raised to be by owning those mistakes and working towards being a better me.
This past year I knew I had to get back to the basics of life. I surrounded myself with loved ones and pledged to take life day-by-day, sometimes even moment-by-moment. I had to get myself healthy in the mind, body, and spirit again. For the mind: I wrote, I read, and I found myself deep in thought. For the body: I walked, I ran, I lifted weights, and kept an overall active lifestyle which included a nutritious diet. For the spirit: I gave thanks for the everyday, for all coming opportunities, no matter the weight they may or may not carry. Mom taught me that it is all about your attitude; you determine your attitude, not any other external force, no matter how strong the force is. You have the power to control how you react or not react. The spirit is broken in our culture today, we can all repair our own spirit a little everyday by choosing to look for optimism and expressing our gratitude for life.
I miss my Mom Every. Single. Day. But I feel her presence within me every day too. This is something I’m not able to express in words; you truly have to experience a strong spiritual connection to fully grasp an understanding of what I mean, and maybe you have. I had no choice other than to let this beam of light inside my soul, it was not my call it was Mom’s. Do I sound like I have lost my grip on reality? Yes, I thought so too at first, but the spiritual world has a way of making itself felt when it needs to and you’d be better off next time listening when it comes knocking within you.
It was a gift to have such an amazing Mother who was able to impact so many lives, she is my why, and she is my inspiration. I want to thank my friends and family for the outpouring of love and support during this difficult grieving period. From the text messages to the hugs it all gave me strength. I want to thank Hospice grief counseling for being a pillar of support. Whenever anyone asks me for grieving advice, as I often get now that I am among the fraternity of dead loved ones, making me an ambassador of death, I tell them to seek professional counseling as it does help immensely. Lastly, I want to thank my Mom for never giving up and showing me life is worth fighting for, I hope you know this too.
I wish you all a healthy, prosperous, and happy new year. Shine bright, my friends and like Mom always told my Sister, Leslie, and I –
“We Build Each Other Up”